


After the trial

by thousand_miles



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-04 20:48:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16354049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thousand_miles/pseuds/thousand_miles
Summary: After the Lewis trial Barba watches her disappear into the stairwell and follows her. He comforts her when she struggles to keep it together.





	After the trial

**Author's Note:**

> I watched the ep of the Lewis trial and it bugged me that the time between Barba and Benson was purely business when by now it’s clear that they’ve become close friends. When Benson breaks down I wanted her to be comforted. Plus someone, well Barba, needed to be there for her. They all left her alone too easily. So this is me fixing it. I hope it’s okay.

He’d watched her as she walked out of the court room. Her fists clenched, her shoulders tense and her head hung low on her shoulders. She avoided any eye contact. He was sure she couldn’t see him, knew she didn’t want him to see her. She didn’t want anybody to see her. It was why she choose the staircase instead of the elevator. He’d kept his distance on purpose.  
He felt like he’d failed her yet again. He hadn’t pushed her when at times he maybe should have. But he couldn’t, not with her, not when she was trying her hardest not to fall apart. He wanted to comfort her but she clearly didn’t want it.  Still she couldn’t keep going like this. Cassidy had already left, but he wouldn’t, not like this. He needed to know she was okay. He was going to push the boundaries of their friendship. It was a risk he was willing to take. 

He gave her a moment before he followed her. He opened the door quietly afraid she would run if she heard him. Closing the door behind him he stopped, looked around and listened. He didn’t see her, but he heard something. He looked over the railing hoping to see her.  He saw a form one level lower. He quietly made his way down the stairs and that’s when he realized who he’d seen and what the sound he’d heard was and it tore at his heart. He stopped at the top of the stairs and looked at her. There, hunched over with her head held in her hands and sobs racking her body was Olivia. He wanted to rush to her, wrap her in his arms and protect her from the world, but he ignored it. She wouldn’t want that, but then again she wouldn’t want him here either way. She was going to have to deal with it though because he wasn’t going to leave her alone. For a moment he got angry with Cassidy for leaving her when she so clearly needed someone. He shook his head. This was not the time to get into that even if he had quite a strong opinion about the man.

He softly made his way down the final steps. “Liv.” He said softly to alert her to his presence. He noticed she immediately tensed up, basically curling up into herself.

Her breath caught in her throat. She wanted to be alone. She needed to deal with this alone. She hated being weak and even more so she hated others seeing her as weak. That’s why she’d gone here, in the stairwell, where no one would find her. Or so she thought. She should have known he would find her. They were quite in tune with each other. It still surprised her. She held her head in her hands. She refused to acknowledge his presence. Maybe if she kept quiet he would get the clue and leave. She shook her head. She knew he wouldn’t. “Leave.” She eventually said, her voice rough from her cries. 

He kept quiet and ignored her warning. He was unsure how to proceed. Olivia didn’t want nor need to be coddled. Yet she wasn’t the best at taking care of herself, especially now. So it was up to someone else to take care of her. He only hoped she wasn’t going to push him away. He would push back. He wasn’t going give up that easily. “No.” He said.

She took a few calming breaths, hoping it would help her regain her composure. Then she could show him she was okay and could send him on his way again. Though she doubted it. He was quite a stubborn man.   
She didn’t want to turn around and face him. She didn’t want anyone to see her like this. “I’m okay.” She said. Though the tremor in her voice was barely there anymore, she doubted she sounded convincing. She hoped it was good enough and he would turn away and leave her.

She was trying too hard to appear okay, hoping he would go away, but he wasn’t going anywhere. He walked down the last few steps till he stood on the small landing. He waited a moment to see what she was going to do. She didn’t make any attempt to move. Her body was still shaking slightly though and he knew she was still trying to get a hold of herself. He sat down on the top step, a few steps above her. Close enough to touch her, though he wouldn’t. “Liv.” He said once more. He wanted to apologize, but this was neither the time nor the place. This wasn’t about him and his feelings. He knew if he did apologize she would focus on him, happy to take the focus away from her, but he wouldn’t let her. Beside this really wasn’t about him. He struggled to find the words. He didn’t know where to start. He needed to thread carefully. He knew she was ready to run. “You’re not okay.” He said softly. 

She stayed quiet once more hoping it would make him leave her alone. He was stubborn though and so they sat in silence for a moment. Unexpectedly she felt him put his hand on her shoulder squeezing her gently. Just to let her know he was there for her. She was already hanging on by a thread and this was too much. His comfort, his presence gentle and not overbearing was exactly what she needed but she didn’t know how to deal with it. She quickly stood up, shaking his hand off of her and took the few steps to the landing. She ran a head through her hair. 

He sighed. Why was she refusing to let him be there for her? Didn’t she know by now that whatever she felt, that she was safe with him? He would give her her distance for now. “Tell me.” He gently said. 

She shook her head. “I can’t.” She said, her voice rough. 

“Yes you can.” She could do anything. She was the strongest woman he knew and he said as much. “You’re the strongest woman I know.” 

She looked up at the ceiling silently cursing him and thanking him for his stubbornness. “I don’t feel like it.” She admitted. 

“Then believe me.” 

She smiled at his words even though he couldn’t see her. She was grateful for his trust, his friendship. “It’s difficult. I thought I’d be better at dealing with it.”

He didn’t really know what to say to that. It wasn’t the first time that she had rendered him speechless. “Do you feel like you’ve failed in some way?” He asked.

She wrapped her arms protectively around herself. “I lost my head. I feel like I....,” she hesitated for a moment, “like I lost a part of myself.” She admitted for the first time to anyone other than her therapist. She finally turned around and glanced at him before quickly looking back at the ground. She was afraid of what she expected to see in his eyes, disappointment. “I don’t know how to find my way back.” 

She was opening up to him. Not only was she sharing her thoughts, she’d actually turned towards him though she still seemed unwilling to look at him. He slowly stood up and stepped down a few steps. “You don’t have to do it alone.” 

She nodded slightly. “I know.” She finally really looked at him. With him a few steps higher than her he towered over her. In his eyes though she saw no judgement, she simply saw caring. It didn’t make her feel better though. That thread she was so carefully trying to hold on to it was slipping away from her. 

“Liv.” He whispered. He decided to throw caution into the win. He slowly reached for her hand giving her time to turn away from him. He was glad she didn’t. He took her hand in his and pulled her closer. She hesitated briefly before she gave in. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him. With his height advantage he could rest his head on top of hers. After a moment she wrapped her arms around his waist and accepted his comfort. “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

The End


End file.
